IM PISSED!
my uncle is an alcoholic. his drinking has led him to develop Cerebellum atrophy, a nerve disease. he is physically disabled, has trouble speaking, and apparently is an idiot.
he keeps drinking.
and because he does.... his pain gets worse and worse.
idiot.
and because his pain is so bad.... when he gets drunk, he overdoses on his sleep medication.
idiot.
it happened again. Wayne, his neighbor came to check on him and found him with his pills(pain pills and other medication) all across the desk....
he found my uncle laying either on the floor, or in his bed, or at his desk; most likely in a puddle of vomit from the alcohol.
idiot.
so hes in the hospital again. and they think hes retarded because of his speech incapability.
but he deserves it.
my mom spent a good portion of last night swelling her eyes with tears and worrying over him. thats why im so mad.
IDIOT!
HOW SELFISH OF HIM! WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS TO THE REST OF HIS FAMILY THAT HE LOVES SO MUCH?! he loves us, but he lets the ones he love find him in his vomit. he loves us, but half the time we see him, he has an oxygen tube in his nose and a heart monitor on his finger. he loves us, but he keeps, and keeps, and keeps on drinking.
and i lost count of which time this is that he has drank himself into an expensive hospital visit.
idiot.
selfish idiot.
i just want to tell him that the only thing hes doing is hurting anyone. hes hurting himself, but he wont care...he already knew that. hes hurting my mom, but he's been doing that for years...so why should he start caring now? the same for me and river. there's nothing i can say to him that would make him think of me and river and mom... his father, his sister Brianna, his nephews and nieces in Denver...his adopted mother figure, father figure, and family in Alabama... instead of himself.
idiot.
selfish idiot.
selfish stubborn idiot.
and im not going to visit him today, because this is all i would have to say to him, which I'm sure wouldn't help. i don need to say it to him. i will see him when i feel a little less like a volcano, and i feel less like erupting.
but i dont know if i could forgive him for making my sister lose the first male figure in her life.... the one who has acted like a father in her life for 11 years and she loves so much.
i dont know if i could forgive him for making my mother lose her other brother and leave her with no more of her mothers direct children but her. me and river would be the only place she would see her mother anymore. and the only place she would ever see her other brother, Adam, who died in a fire before i was born.
and then we would be the only place she would see uncle Gregg.
her first brother died as a result of a fire. he made it to the hospital and lasted long enough for them to amputate his cooked fingers and toes, and die in the middle of the night.
but Gregg is dying so much slower... and im sure so much more painful.
if he makes my mother lose her last brother this way... i dont think i could ever let it go.
idiot.
selfish idiot.
selfish stubborn idiot.
selfish stubborn cruel idiot.